it's a televisual bonanza...

SATURDAY 4th SEPTEMBER
CHANNEL 4
16.05 Please Sir!
We don't really need to go into much detail here, surely? The field
trip fiasco of rainy afternoon fame returns, with cast list pretty
much as standard - Cleall, Hawkins, Denyer, Gebhart and Malcolm off
Science Workshop are all present and correct, augmented by Brinsley
Forde as the butt of some highly dubious racial gags, and Todd Carty
in need of a piss. Alderton fights off bigotry allegations and the
advances of Patsy 'I'll remember you in my will!' Rowlands, while
Jack Smethurst, aptly enough, drives the bus.

SUNDAY 5th SEPTEMBER
CHANNEL 5
04.20 The Invaders
a quinn martin production...da da daaa

BBC1
12.35 'Allo 'Allo!
Ooh, this schedule's going to be a bit thin when Breakfast With
Frost finishes, isn't it? Mind you, at least it'll mean we won't get
another political programme two hours after it finishes anymore.
Meanwhile this is the 'rhyming' Christmas special.

MONDAY 6th SEPTEMBER
BBC1
17.00 Blue Peter
Back! Back! Back! Maybe the return of the summer break was a good
thing, as we've been looking forward to seeing the gang in action
again, and the first show back is always quite exciting - and
especially so today as there are some big changes. We've got the new
theme tune, which the stupid kids on the website already hate but is
in fact pretty good. We've also got a new set, but the big news is
that each BBC1 episode will be repeated on the CBBC Channel an hour
later, and on the days when there isn't a BBC1 one, there'll be a
new one exclusive to the CBBC Channel! Apparently there are no plans
to get in any new presenters, which strikes us as odd when Liz goes
off to pop her sprog - she's still here at the moment - as Matt,
Konnie and Simon will be worked to the bone, and they'd better not
get knackered and think about leaving. Anyway, BP knows what it's
doing and we're sure the new run'll be as ace as ever, and it gets
off to a blockbuster start with Olympic medallists christening the
new sofas. And we get to find out if Simon still has that beard.

CHANNEL 4
13.35 A Kid for Two Farthings
Odd tale of an East End boy buying a baby goat he believes to be a
unicorn, oddly shot by Carol 'Third Man' Reed. Boasts some great
colour footage of said boy endlessly chasing a pigeon round
authentic '50s East End locations. Celia Johnson, Diana Dors, David
Kossoff, Irene Handl, Sid James, Alfie Bass, Harold Goodwin and Sam
Kydd feature.

TUESDAY 7th SEPTEMBER
CHANNEL 4
13.45 Sailor Beware!
A top turn from Peggy Mount as a domineering (well, duh!)
prospective mother-in-law of sailor Ronald Lewis, with
misunderstandings, stag night frolics, last-minute cold feet and
naturally plenty of Premiership battleaxery from Dame P. Creamguide
Films' patented "what's not to like?' roll-call - Cyril 'Hugh and I'
Smith as Peg's hen-pecked spouse! Shirley 'Goldfinger' Eaton as the
daughter! Esma Cannon as the sister-in-law! Gordon Jackson as a
rollicking Scottish sailor! George A Cooper as the petty officer!
Michael Caine and Henry McGee as yet further sailors! Thora Hird as
a nosy neighbour! Geoffrey Keen as a vicar! Alfie Bass as his
organist! And Fred Griffiths as - yes! - a cabbie!

THURSDAY 9th SEPTEMBER
BBC2
11.00 Laurel and Hardy
Scram!

FRIDAY 10th SEPTEMBER
ITV
00.35 That'll Be the Day
Yay! The return of the David Essex '50s rock 'n' roll odyssey, from
the stable of Goodtimes Enterprises (of Performance, Bugsy Malone
and Dougal and the Blue Cat fame) who did plenty of good work in
this field, with Ringo Starr as a dodgem car attendant and mentor to
Essex's wannabe rock star. There's also Billy Fury as Stormy
Tempest, Keith Moon as, er, Keith Moon, Robert Lindsay, Vivian
Stanshall and Karl Howman among the names to look for, all set
against a bleak Isle of Wight landscape, with crafty woodbines and
squalid caravan sex adding to the grittiness. It's odds on we'll get
Stardust about this time next week, so make sure there's enough room
left on the E180.

With thanks to CreamGuide